Friday, May 17, 2013

Copied from my blog at myspace:

Spider Strip Tease (or the Tarentella)

Current mood:amused
  My family have long been known for the ability to perform the Tarentella.  The Tarentella is a dance that originated in Europe, and was believe to cure the bite from a Tarantula.
We were born knowing the steps to Hillbilly Tarentella.  If a spider gets on...  even near any of us, we begin to thrash, gyrate and contort.  This elegent display is accompanied by the haunting notes of the Sweet Spider Song, otherwise known as screaming like a girl.

The women in my family only scream like a girl when a spider is involved.  We have husky voices that are best suited for singing bass, and the men have voices that are so deep they are virtually inaudible. Ah, but when we sing the Sweet Spider Song, we reach such exquisite high notes, the neighboring dogs howl in pain.

A few in the family have learned the seductive and mysterious Spider Strip Tease.  I believe my son was the first to perform this dance.  He was a lad of 13 or so.  It was on a snow-covered winter day.  He and his friends went to play in a place called "the bomb shelter".  It was a former bomb shelter, built partially underground, and abandoned.  Their flashlight went out shortly after entry.  My son began to feel something crawling on him, and the boy with the flashlight got it turned back on.  My son thought he felt something crawling on his hand.  He looked down to see dozens of small spiders all over him.

He began to dance and sing as he ran for the out-of-doors...  As he danced and sang, he began removing his clothing.  All his clothing.  Even his shoes.
He was so transported by the joy of the dance, he laid in the snow and rolled while continuing to sing the Sweet Spider Song.

His comrades were less enthusiastic, contenting themselves with merely brushing a few spiders off while enjoying my son's dance and song.

The next to show promise with the Spider Strip Tease was ME.
I had been in my pool, and had on a two piece bathing suit that was modest for pool wear, but not errand material.  I threw a long, sleeveless dress on, and hopped in my car.  I brushed against a bush as I got into the car.

I drove a block or so, when I saw a spider on my dress.  I thought it would be a good time for the Tarentella, so I began singing as I jumped out of my car.  I did have the presence of mind to throw the car into park before I danced.  I beat, slung and slapped, and finally flung my little friend to the ground.

I stopped dancing around, and continued my journey, when I looked down to see two more spiders on my dress.  I was compelled to get out of the car and start the dance anew. I went through the same song & dance routine and continued my journey.

I was now on one of the busiest roads in my town, and was making good time, when I looked down to see more spiders than I could count in an quick glance.  I whipped the car into a busy parking lot, and began the Spider Strip Tease, which resulted in me standing in a busy parking lot, next to an even busier road, in what appeared (to the many passers by) to be my underwear.

I was singing, dancing and swatting in said underwear-type garb when I managed to get a closer look at the offenders.  Ticks.  Not Spiders, but arachnids nonetheless.  I very calmly put my clothing back on as I contemplated the melody  of horns blowing as the traffic went by.

I had no idea my daughter was well-versed it the Spider Strip Tease until a phone conversation last night.  She and my sister were discussing the Brown Recluse spider bites they and my son had in the past.  All three of them had horrible experiences with the bites... literally rotting flesh dropping off around the area of the bite... holes over an inch deep, and pain that lasted months.
Then my daughter told about an incident that happened three weeks after she was bitten.  She was sitting on her deck, watching her neighbors as an occasional car drove down the street. Something fell from the tree above, and began crawling around inside her shirt.  She had a moment's pause, when her brain processed the info, and she realized it was a spider.

The song began as my daughter frantically ripped her bra and blouse off in a single, swift motion and she sent them sailing into the yard. She was dancing the Spider Strip Tease as she began trying to rip her jeans off while she ran into the house.

Her daughter and sons were stunned as she sang. She added the lyrics "Do you see it!?, Do you SEE IT?"  She was still unclad and jumping, contorting and thrashing in a circle
The children were perplexed. Their mother is an extremely modest woman.  She does not often show cleavage. She never shows her entire bosom.

When she finally established the spider was not on her, she got other clothes to put on.  I daresay to this day,  years later, the bra and shirt are still laying in the back yard. 

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